Dear Sasuke
by YourADDBuddy
Summary: Itachi sends his little brother an important note explaining some things. And just gives Sasuke an eyeopener for how wacked out Itachi really is. I thought it was funny...


hello people. 2nd story thingy! yeah i got this idea a while ago but never felt like posting it. so now i am. hurray.

fyi: i'm only on ch. 250 of the manga, so if some details or wrong or are more fully explained in the book, thats why.

this is set after the hotel fight but before sasuke runs away.

warnings: it's a surprise.

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Dear Foolish Little Brother:

How have you been? I hope you've been taking care of yourself. Kisame and I got to take a 1-month vacation. It's actually pretty nice, not killing people everyday, striking fear in people's hearts, or blinding people with my beauty and such. Well, I still blind people with my beauty, but I digress. And don't even get it in your head to try and find me. You won't. But, have you been training? If not you should be. Last time we met, you were so weak. No offense, but you suck (at least compared to me. But EVERYONE sucks compared to me.)

How are things with that foxy boy? Naruto, was it? You have to admit, he is a great catch. If he were closer to my age I'd go for him. And don't even try and deny it, Sasuke. I've seen the way you act around him. Yes, I do come and visit you, you just don't notice. Cause I'm sneaky like that. I may be a 'heartless bastard', but I'm still your brother.

It's actually not that surprising that you like him though. I mean, with the girls in that village, I really don't blame you. Especially the fan clubs. How's yours holding up, by the way? Those girls make you feel pretty don't they? Not all of them are horrendous, but I think I'm realizing why there are so many female Anbu. Those masks do wonders to people.

But really, you ran all the way through three cities because you heard he was in trouble. And don't try to say it was me you were coming after (though it was probably part of the reason.) "Dobe" is a rather endearing pet name. I know I have to capture him for Akatsuki, but I'm giving you 3 years to work on your relationship. I mean, you can at least make it to 1st, maybe even 2nd base. And believe me, he does like you back. (_I know these things._) Just…try to be on top.

But on to more important matters, do you really want to know the reason why I killed the family? Think about it for a minute. I know I told you it's because I wanted to test myself, but there were other reasons. I mean, I was a 13 year old who they allowed weapons, and other deadly skills and items. And they were idiotic enough to teach me how to use them. I was curious. And dad had just told me how the Sharingan stays in the family.

Apparently I had to marry our 2nd cousin, Uchiha Kimi. No offense, but I for one did _not _want to marry my cousin. And honestly, I didn't think you would either. It may be ok for those inbreed Hyuuga's, but I feel we Uchiha's could find a better way to keep our bloodline pure. There are plenty of people we could do before we had to resort to screwing each other. We were too awesome for that.

I didn't I killed Shisui either. At least, I didn't mean to. Well, I kind of did. I was pissed at everyone for complaining to me about this crap and actually thinking I care. So I went to talk to him, but instead of talking we trained. And then he fell into the river and stuff happened and then he just died. At least I got the Mangekyou Sharingan. But I'll admit that killing people is a stress reliever. After you kill one, you kill another, and it gets more enjoyable every time. You'll understand someday, you know when you learn the art of the kill and become a psycho just like me. (And yes, I do admit that I have problems.)

But if I only give you one genuinely good piece of advice in life, it's this: if you ever meet him, DON'T go with Orochimaru. Please don't. I might have caused the Uchiha massacre, but I left you alive for a reason (I suppose.) Orochimaru will give you power, but what's the cost? I know I haven't been the greatest older brother, but believe me, I know him. And I mean _know_ him.

I worked with him in the Akatsuki till I was 15. He wanted me for my body, my power, and my Sharingan. I told him no, he threw a hissy fit (literally) and quit. So I'm assuming he's going to go after you, the next best thing after me (because no one can compare to me.) Just, don't do it. Besides, if you go with him, you may never get the chance to get revenge on me. I want to be killed by a legitimate ninja, not a missing nin. And think about it, which would make you happier, being with a crazy, snake pedophile that's over 50 or killing your older brother who murdered the whole family? Honestly, it should be an easy decision, but if he gets you off, who am I to stop you, eh?

But anyways, I just wanted to write to make sure you and your avenging self were doing ok and to clear some issues up. Tell Naruto I said 'hi' and I'll see him in a few years. And you know the drill, hate me, cling to life, yadda yadda. Well, I'll see you later (and I do mean _later_.)

-Love,

Itachi

P.S. Don't rush to try and kill me. Try to find _something_ else to occupy your time. Emo really isn't in style anymore. And believe me, I _know_ style.

P.P.S. Don't bother trying to track this letter to find me. You're not ready to find me yet. But if for some reason, you want to respond to this, just email me. Kisame says "Hi."

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1. Dobe--when did this become a nickname? i see it a lot in fanfiction, but where did it come from?

2. Orochimaru quitting--i completely made this up. very believable, huh?

3. Shisui's death--didn't remember what happened, so, meh.

4. Hyuuga's--oh yeah, sorry about the hyuuga thing. they just seem like they might do that to keep the bloodline pure...

Oh well. hope you liked it! Please review!


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